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The content of this post contains potentially triggering information concerning self-injury. Please proceed with caution.* While doing research for this week's post, I sort of went off on a rabbit trail. What started out as an innocent attempt to find out more about why people eat what they do, quickly spiraled into a completely different area of human psychology. That being, the dark subject of intentional self harm. For most people, this is a somewhat taboo topic. It doesn't make sense to the "normal" human mind. Why would you ever want to hurt yourself? The usual answer you'll get is, "I wouldn't.". But for some people, their answer and the logic behind it is much different.
If you're squeamish or easily triggered, please feel free to skip this paragraph. Self harm is not pretty. We're talking about cuts, bruises, concussions, liver/stomach problems, scratches, burns, and basically every other injury possible for a human to obtain. The most common and most publicized is cutting. Quite simply, cutting is just that; injuring oneself by dragging a sharp object across the skin, often resulting in blood loss or a lasting wound. Aside from this, multiple other areas (including those listed above) exist. The amount and severity of injury can vary from person to person, but this has more to do with pain tolerance or access to supplies rather than level of emotional distress. Regardless of form however, all types of self-injury should be taken seriously, seeing as the intent to hurt oneself is present and therefore something is not right.
Whew, done with that. Onto our question of the day: Why?
We'll start with the most generic answer: "It feels good". Sort of a strange thing to say about pain, isn't it? Yet something that goes unrealized is that with pain comes automatic relief. In other words, when you're hurt, your brain responds by releasing endorphins, a chemical that blocks pain and panic. In nature, this is intended to allow you to remain calm enough to care for the wound and avoid further damage. But those who self harm have discovered a way to fool the system. By inducing pain, they also induce endorphins, which results in a sort of "natural high".
Next up: "By transferring internal pain to external, I feel more in control of the situation". This answer can go hand in hand with eating disorders as well. For while we do have some control over our emotions, they are a natural thing that occur in response to stimuli whether we want them to or not. For the sake of clarity, say your dog died. You'd had this dog your entire life and loved him/her like a child. You wouldn't want to feel sad when they died, knowing how much time you'd had with them and what a good life they'd had, but you wouldn't be able to help it. If you were to analyze these feeling of sadness further, you would come to realize that they were automatic and that you were not in control. For someone who self harms, by translating that emotional turmoil into tangible pain that they are in total control of, some of the stress and sadness might be relieved.
Then there is: "To feel something". The first thought that came into mind when I read this was why does it have to be a painful feeling? Why not do a flip on a trampoline, or watch a scary movie? In response to this, I found that people supporting this logic claim that they are just too deep into that state of numbness. They don't hardly want to move or think, let alone try to find a-pick-me-up. As numbness is often caused by feelings of depression or despair (the brain essentially switches off when it feels overloaded), it becomes easier to pull yourself farther into the abyss rather than climb the seemingly never-ending staircase leading back to a healthy mindset.
Lastly: "I deserve it". Now this, this is tough. Out of all of the reasons, this one probably evokes the most sympathy from me personally. I'm sure that if you're reading this you can decipher the meaning behind those three words. This person feels so much self-hatred that they have decided to act upon it. Often this is the only way that they will allow themselves to experience any sort of joy at all, by ensuring that they have been properly punished before they can properly enjoy themselves. You might point at the media for having such high standards that this is the opinion that it is endorsing people to have of themselves, or you might say that circumstance is to blame (bullying, etc.). One thing for certain though is that hurting yourself should never be the answer. If you don't like who you are, then change. Yes, you can. If someone is insecure enough to take it out on you, feel sorry for them, don't listen to them.
In closing, any sort of self injury is a very serious, yet also misunderstood, matter. Whether scratches or stitches, hurting yourself (or others for that matter) is not the solution. Cheesy as it may sound, you do not deserve that pain, nor do you need it. That five seconds of relief is just that; five seconds. But the thick skin or self confidence that you develop when you become independent of self harm will last you a life time.
If you or someone you know is struggling with self harm, please don't hesitate to call (or pass on the number):
Self harm hotline:1-800-DONT-CUT
Suicide hotline:1-800-273-8255